Week 9 and holding

So, yeah, week 9 on the pregnant thing. The doctor's appointment went well, but a little fraught with frustration. You see, I couldn't sleep the entire night before due to Bad Ultrasound Dread. But I knew it would be over the next day, at least for the short term.
We got to the doctor's office, had the exam, when the doctor casually mentions that the sonographer has had a death in the family, and the other sonographer can't fit me in, so I'll have to reschedule. Oh man, I held it together pretty well, but I was ready to go totally Bruce Lee and rip out his larynx. But I didn't. We had to wait two more days, but then we got to see the heartbeat, and it measured beautifully. We'll see how the next one goes.
I'm ordering the fetal heart monitor tomorrow.
Gulp.

Just a little patience, yeah, yeah (with apologies to Axl Rose)

M got a job, by the way. We can now pay our bills, and actually put money into savings at the same time! The absence of that worry is sheer bliss. I cannot put into words the amount of room left over when stress and worry packed up their stuff and moved out. Hopefully to an Eastern bloc country, where they will never be granted permission to leave the country again.

Of course, I have a new thing to obsess about, but this is something I don’t really mind obsessing about…

So, I’m in the midst of the Two Week Wait. I didn’t really think much about it while we were actively “trying”, but now that I know it is a possibility, I’m very impatient. I tested yesterday and (so sad) this morning, but really it is too early. I’m not due to start until Sunday, why can’t I just wait and see if AF comes to visit? Because I can’t, that’s why! I am so freaking impatient about it. And after last time, you’d think I’d rather just wait a while, not get excited only to wind up crushed by another chemical pregnancy. But here I am, caught deeply in the throes of suspense induced craziness.

I keep thinking, I have this symptom! And this, and this! And then I realize that cramps, bloating and crabbiness are also signs that I’m NOT pregnant. So, I’m sitting here trying to talk myself out of testing tomorrow. I almost went and bought more tests, but I haven’t. The only one I have left is a digital, and I really prefer the non digital ones, as they are available for advanced Is That A Line analysis (this type of analysis is related to Could It Have Been A Line In A Previous Life, and Maybe That Test Is Defective, I Should Take Another One Just To Be Sure analysis).

So, I’m hoping that will give me enough to go on to wait until Friday. But probably not. Who am I kidding? If I had one with me, I’d probably be testing in the bathroom here at work (which I have done in the past, yes I have a problem) Why oh why do I do this to myself? Aaahhh! And how in the heck am I supposed to work while going through this? Oh that’s right, I’m NOT working, I’m writing this…

I’m sure I could make a short trip to Target without anyone noticing, right? Right?