Thursday, June 22, 2006

Doing something about my weight

For the first time in three years, I am motivated to do something about my weight gain. Three years ago, I did the Body For Life diet, and lost 30 pounds, and I was in INCREDIBLE shape. We moved to San Diego, and my routine was completely blown, stress set in, and three years later, I'm 30 pounds heavier again. Until this week, I just didn't have the motivation/discipline to do the diet again. BUT, this Monday, I started getting up at 5:15, getting myself to the gym every morning, and following a diet. So, I've done it for four days now, not ground breaking, exactly, but I haven't been able to stick with it for this long in 3 years. Wish me luck. I am really uncomfortable with the way I look right now, and the way I feel. I'm back in CO, and I want to be able to enjoy it! Also, if I ever get pregnant, it would be a good thing to be healthier. I currently weigh 158 (down from 159!), which is quite heavy for my 5'3" height. None of my clothes fit anymore. Even the big ones! I feel really good, probably just because I'm actually doing something about it. Monday, I felt tired, but after that, I've been pretty energetic.

Last night, I went for a ride on my horse, and it started raining. It felt so good, and it was cool, as I could picture myself coming in on a cattle drive in the rain, like a real cowgirl. Then, the thunder and lightning started, so I pushed him into a gallop and got back to the barn quick. He is such an awesome animal, Sunday I was out riding him around, and we found a new trail, that winds alongside a river; it is just beautiful. However, there were many trees and foilage, much different from the wide open spaces we're more used to. But he took it like a champ, he seemed as eager as me to see what was around every bend. I had a great time. I could pretend I was on the Lewis and Clark expedition, exploring new frontiers...

I am so grateful for the wonderful people/pets I have in my life: my INCREDIBLE husband, my two dogs and cat, and my horse. My job is pretty darn good as well. If I can stop blogging and get back to it!

Friday, June 16, 2006

Ahh, Neurotic Freedom

I love that I can ramble on about random, esoteric little items, and no one has to pretend to listen. I can complain, bitch and moan, and no one has to pretend to agree with me. Just typing it is such a therapeutic exercise-- and I don't have to concern myself with what a bother I'm being to someone else, this rocks!
I had a wonderful day yesterday, here at work I am in charge of quite a large undertaking, and I actually felt as if someone trusted me and wanted to hear my thoughts about how we should proceed. It has been a long time since I've felt that someone actually believed in my abilities, it was quite refreshing, and a big confidence builder! It seems that so often, you are told that you will be doing such and such, and then you end up sitting in front of a computer doing the crappiest work you could imagine. I think there is some jealousy among my co workers, as I haven't been here nearly as long a they have-- yesterday I walked into a room where someone had just said " Was it my name here?" with an incredulous, accusatory tone-- but when she saw me walk in, the subject completely changed, with no explanation offered. I was at first a little ticked, but I've thought about it, and really, I don't care! I'm happy to get a little recognition, and I'd probably be pissed too if someone new came in with better skills, and they jumped ahead of me. I certainly didn't ask for it, it was offered to me. The only thing I can do is try to be nice, and try not to give them a reason to hate me, if that's possible...

In other news, I am kind of disappointed in someone I've known for years, I've kept in touch with him via email for the last year, and then when I moved back, I invited him to lunch, he said he was going out of town next week, we'd get together the next week, and that was a month ago. This is not a romantic interest in any way; I'm happily married, as is he. He is more of a mentor, he has taught me a lot of what I know in my field. Part of me wants to email him and ask what the heck I did to tick him off, the other part wants to block his address from my email-- (such a 6 year old mentality-- there, that'll show HIM!!), and another part wonders if he never really liked me, but just kept up our lunches and emails because he thought I could help his business. It is hard to just let go of someone, but it is clearly time to do it!