Thursday, November 13, 2008

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Someone was saying how scared they would be with no time to sleep, less time for sex, and no time for each other, about how their relationship would fare after having children. I’ll be honest; there is nothing that will test your relationship like having a child. But there is nothing that will strengthen it, deepen it or define it as much, either. We were married for 17 years before we had a child. I have learned more about my husband in the past 15 months than I did in all of our marriage before. Don’t get me wrong, I knew all of his stories, his sense of humor, that he was in an eighties hair band (when he was in high school) called, wait for it, “Hard Knox”, but I really didn’t know how he’d be in battle. And I have more respect, love and all out admiration for him than I ever did before.

Yes, there are times that I want to scream “I’m doing everything!” , and at times, I do. But the first time I came home to find him curled up with our son in our bed because our son was crying in the crib, I fell deeper in love than I could have imagined. Sometimes it feels just like those moments on The Amazing Race, the couples scurrying around, shouting blunt answers to each other. But the cool thing is that our relationship is so strong now (even stronger than it was, and that is saying A LOT), that we are able to forgive those things said under extreme duress.

I’m not saying everyone should have a child. It isn’t for everyone, and we didn’t think it was for us for a long, long time. I’m not saying it is easy, because it definitely isn’t. But it is an event that gave me a wildly different perception of life. It altered my priorities in a huge way. I’ve become a better person. I've become a better wife. We've become a better couple. I'm grateful for that. Because that little ninnymuggins deserves the best.

Friday, November 07, 2008

Tofurkey and my Imaginary Friend

I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but this morning when the guy in the cube next to me started into my cube to tell yet another story about either
a) his massive task of redoing the storm drains in his yard
b) something stupid that his wife said or did or made him do
c) something way more than I want to know about his bathroom habits,

I picked up my cellphone and acted as if someone had called me. I had a five minute conversation with an imaginary friend about how to prepare a tofu turkey (or tofurkey, as I referred to it). I don’t even know how to prepare one, but it was the first thing that popped into my mind. And I gave her advice about how to not offend her vegan guests by serving meat as well for her non vegan guests (“if they don’t want to be around it, then they shouldn’t come…”). I can’t believe I actually just did this, and had an entire imaginary conversation! I also gave her my pecan pie recipe. Oh my God, I so belong in the nuthouse.

And it totally worked, the guy next door was thwarted, forced to go regale another coworker with his tales.

I am laughing so hard right now. Especially at the random topic. At least it is a great exercise in creativity. And I will do it again! This has such a great array of possibilities. Car salesmen, the guy on the street that just "wants to take a minute to testify about Jesus", the woman in the elevator that has on the pink denim jacket that has been Beadazzled within an inch of its life....Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!

I wanted to disclose this in case you want to keep your children away from me in the future.

Thursday, November 06, 2008


Total rant and venting ahead, proceed with caution:

The place where I work, oh man, it is so funny and weird. The clerical whose cube (it is more open with a sort of “breakfast bar” type thing on the front) is right across the aisle from me came in yesterday and asked me if she could put her head down and go to sleep. In my cube. While I’m working. I feel for her, she’s pregnant, so I know she’s tired. But sharing a 6x8 cube with someone else sleeping behind me? Weird. And, if her bosses(my bosses, too) came into my cube and saw her sleeping on the clock (she’s paid hourly), I can’t imagine what would unfold. But, being the weenie that I am, I said it was okay. So she slept in my cube for an hour. Do you know what it is like to have someone snoring two feet behind you while you try to figure out how to choose the proper encryption algorithm?

And every time I get anything to eat, she comes in and asks if she can have some. I got some M&Ms yesterday, and I had to try and not make a rattly sound with the wrapper, because I was hungry and wanted to be able to eat them all. She’s a sweet girl I guess, but a little strange. It was hilarious; I would sneak out like five of them, and then hide the bag in my drawer. I used to eat cereal at my desk in the morning, but every time she heard me pour the cereal, she’d come over and ask for some. And it isn’t an issue of not having the money to eat; she just bought a new car. I’m all for sharing some, but come on! Oh well, maybe it’ll be good for me, if I don’t eat at my cube, maybe I’ll lose some weight! She could start her own company called “I’ll Eat Half Your Food”. Lose Weight! Feel Great! I’ll Eat Half Your Food! And then sleep with you within an uncomfortable radius.

Asshat (in the cube next to me) is having digestive issues again. God help me. I actually practically yelled “Putting on my headphones!” while he was giving details on his phone call approximately a foot away from my ear. There are certain things you don’t do in a cube farm, people. Digestive issues go on the “no-no” list. Step out into the hall, and use your cellphone. That, and you never, ever comment on a personal conversation someone is having, even if it was so loud that anyone could hear. I know about every fight that asshat has had with his wife, but I never act like I have any clue about it. It is an unwritten code.

I’m definitely starting to get more negative about this company, and I’m trying to do better. They are building a new campus with all of this state of the art equipment --the workstations are new, to allow light from all the windows, the monitors are on swing arms, everyone has their own vents so that they can control the temperature, they are going to have Starbucks coffee, water machines!, actual breakrooms with a sink! (and soon we'll get one of those newfangled light bulbs I've heard so much about), etc. Up until a couple of weeks ago, as far as we knew, we were going to be moving there in April. Then they told us that although everyone else in the company was going to the new campus, they hadn’t planned correctly, and there wasn’t room for us, so we are staying in our building, which was (I’m not kidding) last renovated in 1984. No light, urine colored walls, cubes, carpet (that has stains ALL OVER IT), the bathrooms are hardly ever in service, and oh, they are taking away the restaurant downstairs. Yeah, so I’m kind of bummed. Stupid little extras like that really go a long way. And no plans to renovate our building. Just be grateful you have jobs, was what we were told. Which is true, I know, but yeesh.
AND, every other team in our department has scheduled their Christmas party. Except us. I don't think we are getting one this year. Which is fine, as long as they let us have the half day off. Which they probably won't-- they probably didn't "plan properly" for it. At least I just mistyped "for it" as "for tit" and got a good, juvenile laugh out of it!

the ATL

M took me to Atlanta over the weekend to see Wicked and spend the night in an actual hotel, just the two of us. S spent the night away for the first time. It went really well. He loved it, Grandma loved it, and the two of them are nothing but trouble together. Such a team, those two. I always thought I’d be jealous of anyone else that my child loved, but it only makes me happy. Because it makes him happy. And anyone that makes him happy is okay in my book. Well, almost anyone. Richard Simmons? Probably not.

ANYWAY, it was so good to be in the city. I felt as if I were a sponge soaking it up – the diversity, the weird conversations I overheard, the traffic, the new buildings, I loved it all. And it hit me. I WANT TO BE HERE. WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR? We’ve thought about it before, we were worried about how big Atlanta has become. And indeed, it is large. We worried about the traffic. Yes, there is a lot. But it feels so nice to be there. We have a history there. That’s where we met, where we lived when we were married, where we went to college. I know that it is a large city with many problems. I know it is crowded, but I love it. And M does, too. It is close enough to the mountains, close enough to the beach, close enough to M’s aunt and uncle, and still close enough to all of the things a city has to offer. And now that I’m not in contact with my mother, I don’t have to worry about her running my life. I think that had to happen before I could fully embrace moving there. And I’m so ready.

So, we are going to start looking at jobs next March or so, and we are going to start researching good day care options now. We are still trying to figure out exactly where in Atlanta we want to live, and then I’ll pinpoint where to look for jobs. But we are excited. Rental prices are the same as here in Hooterville – and the selection is a lot larger.

I really think that we’ll settle in there. We’ve already shown a lot of progress in the fact that we haven’t run back to Denver, like we usually do. We know that neither of us likes the cold weather. I know that M’s aunt and uncle (we call them the grandparents) love S so much, we don’t want to take him away from that. If we didn’t try it out, we’d always regret it. And, we've got a reputation to uphold. Can't go more than a year and a half and not move, can we?

I'm giddy

I feel such a surge of pride to be in my country. I haven’t felt that in a while. And it feels good. Being here in the heart of conservative country, I can’t discuss it with anyone. I have to hide my joy. But even so, I’m very joyful. Just the thought that so many people in our country looked at the issues at hand, not at the color of his skin.
After seeing so many elderly African Americans at the polls, who made a great effort to get there, I realized just how much I take for granted every day. Yes, here in Hooterville, I am the victim of some forms of prejudice because I’m a woman, but they are nothing compared to what most of these people have faced in their lives, especially living here. And it is still rampant; the first thing my husband’s boss did yesterday morning upon coming in to work was to raise his hands in the air and declare “White Power!” – yeah, good stuff. Until you live in the heart of all that the sterotypes are made of, you don’t realize how little really has changed in all this time. This evidence that, for most of the country, this is a thing of the past, has given many people a tiny glimpse of hope. And what could be bad about that?

I look forward to the day that I can try to explain to my son what this election meant to so many people. I ordered a yard sign today (half price!), just to pack away and show him someday. It will probably take him a while to appreciate it, but I know that someday he will.

Not to mention that I fully believe this man can do it, and has the sense to surround himself with others that can do it, that WANT to do it. I’m excited to see what will unfold.


Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Please, please, let me get what I want

Election Day! I went to the local city hall. I waited for about an hour in line. The ballot was manual, meaning that I had to actually fill in the oval, like an SAT test. The people in line were all very pleasant, sharing pens, making polite conversation, laughing about how we all meant to apply for absentee ballots. And there is a bakery right by the city hall, so I was fueled by a cookie completely frosted with pumpkin colored icing. It really wasn’t a bad experience at all.

But all day, I’ve had a dull ache in the pit of my stomach. Please, please, please let Obama win. I honestly don’t know if I can take it if he doesn’t. I hate to sound like a whiny child, wanting to get what I want or pitch a tantrum. I know that is what it sounds like.. But let me say that I was so, so angry with the American people after the last election. I really couldn’t imagine what the heck happened. It was so clear to me. But all of my co workers were totally Bushified, and no amount of logic worked, so I’m sure the rest of the country was, too. I’m sure I wouldn’t change my mind because of something my coworker said, so I shouldn’t be surprised. Of course, today, here in corporate culture of fear land, no one says a word about which way they might lean. So, I’ll have to wait until tonight to see how things go. I’m nervous. I’m somewhat excited, but I was last time as well, only to be terribly, terribly disappointed.

Speaking of which, so, so, so not pregnant. Despite being 5 DAYS LATE. Bite me, whoever is in charge of that. Just …Bite me. And get me another frosted pumpkin cookie, post haste.