Monday, February 16, 2009

V Day 2009

Valentine’s Day. We have a funny relationship, me and Valentine’s Day. When I was younger, in High School, it was about everyone knowing that I got flowers (once in four years), or trying to hide the fact that I didn’t. Even after I was married (but still 18!), I spent the entire day trying to tell myself not to expect flowers, that it was okay. And then, the flowers would arrive, and I would be so pleased. But if they didn’t get there until later, I was downright pouting by the time they got there.

And then, somewhere, something happened. I was genuinely happy for those that got something, but I really didn’t care so much if I got something or not.

You see, I met my husband when I was 17 and he was 20. We had that passionate, “blinded by love”, rollercoaster, oh my god I’m gonna die because we argued, oh my god I’m so happy because we made up kind of relationship. I think you have to be young to have that sort of marriage, because as you get older, you don’t have the stamina! As we grew and mellowed, got stronger, became more able to stand on our own two feet instead on leaning so hard on each other, we got stronger. Our relationship got stronger. We became stable. I like stable. I LOVE stable.

We know each other well enough to get on each other’s nerves almost to that point. But we know enough to stop before we get there. We also know that we love each other in a stronger, deeper way than we could have ever imagined back when we were married 19 years ago. So, if I get flowers, great, but I genuinely don’t care so much. I know he loves me. I feel loved on a daily basis.

It feels great not to care. And coincidentally, I did get some beautiful tulips. And a great card that plays Superfreak!

I love you, you big Palooka. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Thursday, February 05, 2009

We got the band together again!

M's cousin came over last night, and we had way too much fun playing Rock Band. As a matter of fact, we've run through all of the songs! The highlight of the night? Me, trying to sing Iron Maiden, "Run to the Hills". And Highway Star. Never did I know that the word "star" could be mangled in so many ways! So much fun.

We know that we don't want to be here. We want a bigger city. So, I've been posting for jobs here and there. Long story short, someone in Tampa contacted me, I had a technical interview in which the guy told me that he was going to recommend that they fly me in, and that was two days ago. I've heard nothing.
Which may be good, because it gave me some time to stop and think. While we used to really enjoy the excitement of taking off for parts unknown without even blinking, we might actually ~miss~ some of our family. Weird, right?
We do certainly miss the type of outdoorsy culture more prevalent in the western us, but something tells me not to go too far right now. We're talking maybe about going to Atlanta, it would be an easy move, a much, much bigger city. We're still trying to figure it out. Of course, a lot (all of it) will depend on if I can get a job or not.

Weight update
160.6, and I don't think it is a fluke, because yesterday morning was 160.8. Oh my gosh, I could be seeing 150's in a week or so! Very, very exciting. I haven't been in the 150's since well before S was born. Maybe before the first pregnancy, I think. All of that angry eating took its toll!
Spinning class tomorrow again. Whew! I'm excited and scared at the same time, kind of the way I used to feel before taking off on my dirt bike. But it is good! Getting results like this really keeps me motivated. I have a pair of pants that are very unforgiving waist-wise, and I try them on every week to see how they fit. I have to say I feel a pretty big difference this week. I can tell that my stomach is definitely taking up less of the landscape. Whew hoo! Very exciting.

Size 12 jeans fit great, I'm pretty sure I could get into 10s, not sure that anyone would want to see it :)

Blogger's Studio Courtesy of Beth Fish

Beth from So the Fish Said asked if anyone would like to be interviewed, and I thought hey! what a great chance to stop whining and bitching! She provided the questions:

1. Remember the movie href="Brewster's">">Brewster's Millions?
That happens to you, except on a smaller scale. You receive a million
dollars that you must spend in 30 days. However, you cannot have any
assets to show for the money at the end of the month (and you can't
buy something and then destroy it), you cannot waste the money, you
cannot give it away, and you cannot tell anyone what you are doing.
How do you ditch the dough in a month or less?

That’s easy! Invest in Real Estate in NYC!

2. You are locked in a toy store overnight, with no way out until it
reopens in the morning. What do you play with all night?

Oh man, that sounds awesome! I’m all over the sit n spin, the block things that you push through the different shaped holes, toy trains, Legos!, and the big Barbie head who’s hair you style. Also that robotic horse thing, possibly, although it kind of looks Satanic and might freak me out in the middle of the night.

3. If you could have a dinner party with any three famous people,
living or dead, you would be wasting your supernatural powers on
hosting dinner parties. What would you do instead?
Find a cure for Diabetes, so that my husband would live a long, healthy life.

4. What's the best thing since sliced bread? Now, sliced bread ain't
all that impressive, so what's the best mediocre, hum-drum improvement
or advancement that has made modern life just ever so slightly more
convenient for humanity, along the lines of saving yourself five
seconds every time you want a piece of bread.

That would have to be the ice and water in the refrigerator door thing. Why does it seem so cool? Was it really that difficult to reach into the freezer and get some ice, and then fill your glass with water?

5. What's your best quality? The response to this question must be a
simple declarative statement. You may elaborate on that statement,
provided that your elaboration does not include the words "but,"
"however," or "although," or any other hedging, equivocating,
back-sliding, gerrymandering (which is not at all appropriate in this
context, but I think it should be, don't you?) or any other type of
backing down from the simple declarative statement with which you
began your response.
I am incredibly loyal, once I feel a person has earned it.

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Trying to be less angry

Okay, trying to be more positive today. I didn’t lose a ton of weight this week, I definitely did not exercise like I should’ve. I had this awful soup yesterday, which did not fill me up at all, so I kept eating things to try to make up for it, and then for some reason by the end of the day, I had a headache that was so intense I honestly wondered if I was having a stroke. It was only on one side of my head, and so, so intense. My husband massaged my shoulders and neck and BOY there was a spot there that is so sore. And still is. I think we need to invest in a massager thingy that you put in your chair. Because I cannot take it.

So, I take my first spinning class today. I really fight my social anxieties to take these classes. I was concerned about whether I should wear my cycling shoes and shorts, even though I’m so out of shape. I finally decided “F it, this is my journey, and if it makes me feel better to wear the bike shorts and my clipless shoes, then I’m going to do it!”. I know it won’t be easy, but I don’t want easy. I want to get healthy. I want to take S out in the Burley this spring. I want to get back on my Homegrown and ride a trail with M. I want to feel good, no matter where I live. I want to enjoy riding, not dread every hill climb. And I know that I can do it. I KNOW I CAN!

I keep picturing myself doing these things, and it works as great motivation. Whether I hate my job or not, I need to do myself a favor and use the tools around me to my greatest benefit. I will not let my anger/frustration sabotage this effort.

So, weight: 162.0, 6.8 lbs lost.

I bought a size 12 in jeans this weekend. From a 14. It rocks. The other ones I could actually pull off without unbuttoning them. From losing 7 pounds? Working out definitely makes a difference.