Thursday, January 22, 2009

Jane 2.0

How is it going? So far, very well. I've started going to the gym, for the last two weeks, I've been four times a week.

Weight loss: this morning, I weighed 163.8. That is a 5 lb loss in 2.5 weeks. Not bad! I'm aiming for 2 lbs a week.

I started jogging, just a bit, as I'm trying to train for a 5K. I'd like to build up to 10K, and maybe do a race in CO, I'd love to do the Bolder Boulder, but I think it may fill up too soon.

I did 60 sec of running, 90 sec of walking, for 25 minutes. Yesterday, I took a circuit training class, during which I ran for two minutes a couple of times.

Goal weight: 135

29 lbs to go!!

Pants are starting to get a tiny bit looser. The eating is pretty easy right now, and I'm really, really excited that I'm finally doing it. I've talked about it forever, and now, I'm actually exercising and eating nutritiously! Now that I'm getting into more of a routine, I've got to help M start it up. It would be so cool if we both got healthy.

Those Zany Office Workers

In keeping with my “Let’s ride the crazy train with Jane” theme, I thought I’d enlighten you as to the types of people I work with and the delightful scenarios that occur as a result:

1) The lady who calls me EVERY TIME SHE SENDS ME AN EMAIL. To say, “I just sent you an email”. She sends me at least five emails EVERY DAY. It drives me absolutely insane. Each voicemail says exactly the same thing as the email. Double the pleasure, double the fun!

2) The lady who reacts to every possible issue, before taking the time to determine if it is, in fact, an issue. I spent four hours today tracking down “HUGE problem, OMG if this isn’t working we’re screwed” type of thing. A “lets’ email everyone and let them know that this isn’t working even though I haven’t actually confirmed that it isn’t working” type of thing. The most irksome part of this is that 99% of the time, the reason something behaves the way it does is … you guessed it, because she told me to make it behave that way. Luckily, I always have the email(s) to send back to her. She is never apologetic, and always acts as if she’s doing me a favor by admitting that she did, in fact, ask for it to work that way. But she never emails everyone again to let them know. So I started including them in the emails I send to her.

3) The guy who is so afraid that someone may be better at his job than he is, that he will not share any information with you. Even if you have been tasked with helping him finish work on one of his projects. It would be easier to learn a new language while deserted on an island for a year than to have to try to start working on one of his projects. He is a true environmentalist, as he “leaves no trace”. No documentation, no comments, no replies to your emails or phone calls. I like to think of it as being a secret agent, dropped off in a foreign country, trying to complete a mission. I try to ignore the fact that my foreign county is approximately 8x8 and the color of urine.

4) The guy who wants to talk your ear off, but then makes snide comments about you behind your back. And it isn’t just me; he stabs everyone in the back. To your face, he wants to tell you all about his landscaping plan, or how well his pet chinchilla is doing, but when he thinks you are out of range, he’ll disparage your work, your hours, and anything else he can come up with.

5) The girl who really, really, wants to be left alone and get some actual work done. Guess who? I have spent so much time the last few days tracking down “problems” and then having to explain to ten different people that they aren’t problems, they were requested. ~Sigh~

On a completely different and AWESOME note, my husband is going to a big charity event that Widespread Panic’s lead singer helps out with every year. We have wanted to go for quite some time, but this is the first year we’ve really been close enough to do it. The best part? I’ll get to take S to Disney! And see WP's lead singer in concert! And get out of this town for a while. Which I need badly.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

WW Commando

Feeling slightly less unhinged. So, I guess, you call me a little more hinged than yesterday. But not fully hinged, not by far.

I tried to sign up for Weight Watcher’s again yesterday. I hoofed it over about four blocks in the stinkin’ cold, using up precious gym time, but I thought it might be worth it to have some support. The WW person never showed up. How’s that for enthusiastic support? But, I’m thinking that was a good thing. The crowd was less than inspiring.

There was one person there who was there when I went to the meetings last year. And I remember being kind of annoyed by her last time, because no matter what you were talking about, she ALWAYS found a way to bring it back around to the fact that she’d been there for two years! And wasn’t that great! She knows all about it! Isn’t she everybody’s Miss WW! But here’s the thing. I overheard her telling someone that she’s lost, are you ready for it? 60 pounds. Yes, that is quite an accomplishment. It took her TWO YEARS people. TWO YEARS. My God, what, is she eating one less doughnut a day? Yeah, yeah, I know, good for her, blah blah. But I was so sick of hearing her tell everyone how great she was, and to find out that BFD, she lost 60 lbs and has AT LEAST that much more to go. So she’ll be nice and thin for her trip to Boca when she’s 70!

And then, the others. I heard one lady telling the other, “I know I gained two pounds last week, but I just can’t live without my half and half in my coffee and little piece of cake before I go to bed” – I don’t think I’d want to have to constantly clamp my mouth shut for fear of saying something very to-the-point.

I think most of this bitterness and urge to stab someone with a ten-pound-loss pin is that the last meeting helper type of thing I attended was a Narcotic’s Anonymous meeting, quite some time ago. (Yes, I’ve been clean for wait-let me count – 21 years now, and yes, I’m still clean, just don’t go to meetings anymore. I was sixteen when I got clean, so when I grew up, I didn’t really need any help living a clean life, as it is the only way I know. I wasn’t really feeling a need to be there, and haven’t for about 15 years now.) The NA meetings are a little more rooted in tough love, because addicts can certainly load on the self pity and are all too ready to heap the blame on everyone and everything else. I personally respond to this much better. I would much rather someone call me on my s—t than to coddle me. And I would much rather call someone else on it, too. All of that freaking rationalization about why they couldn’t give up a biscuit with their dinner? I wanted to shout “F—k, people, why are you HERE? GET OUT! You don’t want help!” So maybe I shouldn’t attend those meetings, I’m guessing.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Learning to bend

I started doing the WW again back on Jan 5, and so far I’ve lost 3.6 pounds! I went to the gym yesterday at lunch. That was the first time I’ve been to the gym since I was pregnant with S. I did actually exercise a little bit when I was first pregnant, but then I got tired and worried that I’d do something bad, so I stopped. It has been at least two years since I’ve been. It felt absolutely wonderful.

I love the elliptical machine, always have, and as I got on and slid my water bottle into its slot, it felt like coming home. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be; my legs are sore today, but I wasn’t huffing and puffing as I had imagined. I’m going today to do upper body—yea!

It is a little cumbersome carrying the bag that I have; and I decided that if I keep going for two weeks, I’ll buy myself a nice backpack to use.

The last time I lost so much weight and got into great shape was doing the Body For Life program. It worked, and worked well, but it isn’t something that I can continuously do. I’m not going to get up at 5am to work out every day. And what I’m realizing is that I don’t have to. I can go during lunch, or after Sam’s asleep, but I need to cut myself some slack and realize that everything about it doesn’t have to be perfect. Just because the guy says that you need to work out First Thing In The Morning, it doesn’t mean that if I work out during the afternoon that I’m a failure. If I get there, it’s all good! I still get a gold star! And the diet was pretty strict. I need to allow for a latte here and there, it keeps me from binging like a wild woman.

I’m realizing that this applies to a lot of my life. It seems that I set these rigid goals of perfection, and if I can’t reach them, I give myself no credit (and give up). As a new mother, I felt that everything had to be done absolutely by the book, with no variation. I think most new parents are like that. As time goes by, and you don’t break him, you realize that it is okay to trust your instincts. It is okay to slack some.

It has occurred to me that this should apply to life in general, and as I’m beginning to allow myself to slack a bit here and there, I ‘m more fun to be around. I don’t want to become my uptight aunt, screaming at her ten year old son not to get his white Easter pants dirty. I want to be the one who is helping him search for eggs, and if we don’t find any, show him that we’ll still have fun, by rolling around on the ground wrestling. As clich├ęd as it is, I need to remember that it isn’t the destination, it is the experiences getting there. That sounds almost like a resolution, doesn’t it? Oh yeah, and that losing 35 pounds thing.

Just to keep me honest:
Height 5’3”

1/5/09: 168.8
1/12/2009: 165.2

Loss 3.6 lbs!! Yea!!

Thursday, January 08, 2009

My moment of clarity

I went to Starbuck’s this morning, to get a Black Tea Latte. And the cashier had on a billabong hoodie. In one very swift and definite moment, the desire to move back to San Diego was born. This desire has poked up its head many times in the last year, but usually I have been able to brush it away, like a mosquito. this has been easy in the past, as I simply recite the list of Reasons Not To Move There:
1) the cost of living is HIGH and we can’t buy a house
2) the job market is not good right now
3) it is expensive to move
4) there aren’t any places for Charlie horse

And, of course, my answers:
1) We can’t buy a house anyway; our credit sucks right now. The housing market has come way down there, and maybe by the time we are ready to buy, it will be more reasonable. And I don’t feel a strong desire to buy anything right now. Last time we lived there, I was in a different place, and felt that I NEEDED to own a house to feel like a worth member of society. I feel completely different about that now.
And believe it or not, but we could live in a decent house, granted more towards the hills than the ocean, for only a couple of hundred dollars more than we’re paying now.
2) I just looked out on, and there are many, many jobs for which I’m qualified, with strong companies. Whether I’d actually GET one of these jobs? Who knows. But I wouldn’t move until I did.
3) This one is difficult. We are finally building up some savings again. Mike was going to quit his job at the end of this month, maybe we can plan a bit further into the future and he’ll keep working, and we’ll keep adding to the savings account, at least for a couple of months.
4) I did some web research, and there are many, many boarding stables. Actually a lot better options than in CO, as grass actually grows in CA.

I can’t explain why I suddenly have such a strong urge. But I haven’t had one in a long, long time. It feels very much like a ‘moment of clarity’. Suddenly, I felt as if I woke from a fog, thinking, ‘Why are we here? We could be THERE!’

When we lived there before, we didn’t have children, were very into mountain biking and dirt bike riding, things that we did with a group of friends. When we moved to SD, we missed those friends and those activities. That was a long time ago, and now those friends have kids, have gotten divorced, etc. Our lives are so different now, and our priorities are quite different. I don’t care so much if I can’t afford a new car or to buy a huge house.

I’m going to give it the weekend test. If I still feel this way by Monday, I’m going to get more serious about researching it.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Catch Up (Whew!)

Wow, has it been that long? I’ve been busy, but in a good way. I really like it when life is so full that you can’t fit anything else in. When it is full, not just frenzied. The difference? When you are busy doing things that fulfill you, give you joy, give your life meaning, then life is full. When you are busy running around doing pointless tasks, it is NOT full, just frenzied. You know what I mean.

Christmas was absolutely freaking wonderful. S was sick up to that day, nothing major, just a fever and general blah. Christmas he was better, though, and oh my goodness we had so much fun watching him open presents, and of course, the look when he saw what Santa brought was enough to keep me going for another year without anything to eat…. I knew it would be good, but man, the utter and sheer joy on that kid’s face. My heart grew three sizes!

We got to go to S’ grandparents’ (my husband’s aunt and uncle) house, which is not something we’ve done in a long while. Last year, my mother came and it was such an ordeal that we didn’t really enjoy it. This time we went over and there was a big group of people, and talk of Christmases past (we’ve spent 20 together!), and funny stories, and a great meal, and just a general really good holiday feel.

S did get sick again the next Sunday(groan), but seems to be better now. Being home with him for that long was so great, and, as any parent knows, so hard to end. M was planning on leaving his job at the end of January, and this just solidified that plan. I love that S gets interaction with other kids at daycare, but we’re noticing some differences as of late. He has started carrying around his fleece jacket all of the time while at daycare. He doesn’t do this at home, and it worries me that he wants a comfort object while he is there. He was sleeping a little more there, but nowhere near what he should be (an hour is the longest that he’s slept there, for all day). So, we are hoping to back down to a couple of days a week for daycare, M can do something very part time to get him out of the house, and S will hopefully benefit from it.

And I have a confession to make. I’m addicted. Hopelessly. We discovered that there is a version of Rock Band that will work with our ancient PS2. And it is absolutely incredible. And when I say incredible, I mean INCREDIBLE!!!! It has drums, guitar(which you can play as a bass, too), and a microphone. We have spent every night after S goes to bed playing this thing. And having SO MUCH FUN!

The coolest thing about this is that while we do get to have time for ourselves, mostly it is doing something separate – M has his Harley, and golf, and I have my horse, and luckily, we give each other time to enjoy these things while the other spends time with S. But we don’t really do much together, other than watch tv. This has really changed that, and it is so great to laugh and shake off the stress of the day. I don’t even like video games, but this one just absolutely was worth it, and it is so much more than just sitting there hitting a game controller. At any rate, I love it when you buy something and you know without a doubt that it is worth the money. And this one was.

Now going through the adjustment back to the real world, but totally worth it to have had such a great time off.