Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Need to Vent

Over the years, I bet I've spent a couple of thousand dollars on shower gifts, bridal showers, baby showers, etc. I don't have very many close girl friends, so I really didn't expect a shower from friends. Two girls gave me a mini shower, completely by surprise, and it was so nice of them! Here at work, no one is doing anything. I can't believe it. I actually spearheaded a collection for a girl that started working here two months before her due date, I asked about giving her a shower, and no one wanted to give her one because she had just started. So I collected money, got her a cake, and gave her a Visa gift card. I didn't do it so that everyone would do the same for me, but come on! I've worked her over two years, and not a peep about a shower for me. I'm trying not to let it piss me off, but I'm beginning to get angry about it. I just attended a bridal shower for a 50 + year old woman (who has lived on her own for years), joined in like a good girl and bought her a gift. I can't believe that the people here are that uncaring. It just makes me feel angry and hurt. I was putting off buying certain things because I thought, that would be a good shower gift, not too expensive -- but now I have to buy those things because I'm getting closer and closer to my due date. I don't know how I'm going to not let it show that I'm really ticked off at this point. I can't believe how much I have supported these people and contributed to their kids' sales. You can believe all that will stop now, just let them ask, and my answer is going to be, Where was your support? Fuck off!

I'm not bitter...

Thursday, June 14, 2007

All's quiet on the hormone front

Things were a little smoother yesterday. I don't think I cried once. Husband was very good, puppy was very good. We took the puppy to the barn last night, where I was actually ABLE TO GO GET THE HORSE MYSELF. What a huge step! My foot was crammed into a sneaker, but I was able to walk on it and felt comfortable going into the pasture myself. Yea! Husband walked the puppy around, which was great for both of them.

I don't think I ate enough yesterday, because about 7, I was sooo tired. To the point of almost collapsing. So today, I'm going to make sure I eat enough, I'm just finishing off my blueberry yogurt (yummm!). We are completely broke this week, so if I eat out, it has to be cheap, mostly Wendy's value menu, but I can get some good stuff, baked potato, caesar salad, etc. Which is good, not too bad for me, and very filling.

Why does my mother, after talking to me for like an hour about the same exact stuff we ALWAYS talk about, when I end the conversation say, "call me again this week, okay?" We don't have anything to talk about anyway, why the heck does she want me to call AGAIN? I usually just say I will, and then don't. It seems to work, so why mess with it?

We got our Widespread Panic tickets for Red Rocks! We are only going to the Sunday show, I don't think I'll survive any more than that, but I'm really looking forward to it. I haven't seen them in a year, the last one was the shows at the Fox last May (2006). I hate to say it, but they weren't great shows. It wasn't long after that George left them, and you could tell that they just weren't together. At any rate, it will be good to see them with Jimmy playing guitar.

Work is beginning to drive me crazy. I really want to start working from home every week, just as my coworker does. Every time I bring this up, I get some hemming and hawing. I think I'm just going to start doing it, and let him deal with it. He's lucky I'm still here, as I see it. It would just be nice to not have to drive in 5 days a week, especially with gas prices. Plus, I'm getting more and more tired, and that would help me get a nap in.

Monday will be 8 months(32 weeks)!! Whew Hoo!! 8 weeks to go!

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Emotions are taking over

I'm sure it must be hormonal, but everything seems to be such a big deal right now. Husband and I are arguing it seems like every day, usually about the puppy. He'll do something bad, and H will just blow up (it seems excessively so, to me), and I immediately start crying. Sunday was our 18th anniversary, and we did absolutely nothing, and ended the day by me crying and him blowing up. Maybe the stress of everything is starting to get to him. We are having terrible financial problems, and he is leaving his job, which doesn't make enough to help anyway, to focus more on the real estate career. I know that will take a while to build up, and we have no savings at all. So, it is all pretty scary. I think that is wearing on us both, especially with a baby on the way. I'm just tired of arguing all the time. Yesterday we had a long talk about it, and we are both going to try to do better. The puppy can be so cute sometimes, but he is also a source of stress, and we need to learn to deal with him better. And with the hormones, I can completely convince myself that H is doing nothing to help me, which, even when I'm rational, is somewhat true. It seems that all he wants to do is come home and sit on the couch and watch TV, and if anything comes in between him and the couch, there'll be hell to pay. Hopefully once he gets out of this job, maybe he'll become a little more active, and therefore less stressed, and therefore less likely to blow up like a land mine.

My foot/toe is much better, I'm in a Birkenstock now, but still can't fit into a regular shoe, possibly just because I'm pregnant. I hate crocs so much, but now I may buy a pair so that my toe is at least protected somewhat. I'm so close to being able to walk on it, it is very exciting. I'm so tired of hobbling all the time! Both of my feet and ankles are starting to swell, so I'm keeping them up at work, and any time I'm not on them. And the heartburn is REALLY kicking up-- bleeeccch. But, the good part is that I can feel him moving around most of the time now, I love it. And I love being pregnant, love seeing how huge I am. I'm so grateful for him, and I hope I don't lose that at all.

We start our childbirth classes next Monday the 18th, very exciting! I can't believe I have just under 9 weeks to go -- time flies huh?

Friday, June 01, 2007

almost 30 weeks!!

I honestly cannot believe that Monday will be 30 weeks that I've been pregnant. It doesn't seem possible that I'll only have ten weeks to go. Lots has happened since my last post:
1)I broke my toe
2)We were going to move to TN, then changed our minds
3)We bought a crib!

Broken toe: Charlie(horse) broke it. I was picking his hoof, and I can't really get bent over enough to get a good hold of them anymore, and he was stomping at flies. So, he stomped right out of my hand, and landed right on my foot. Ouch! My big toe is broken in two places, the toenail was out and mangled the toe, so they sutured me up. I got them out yesterday. Hobbling around is not fun, but the foot is getting stronger, and hopefully I only have two more weeks to go. I can't wait to get my foot back! I was just starting to walk the puppy at night, that had to end, but hopefully not for long. The really bad part was that Mike was out of town, so I had to drive myself to after hours care, and then drive back home, and deal with the puppy by myself. I was really glad when he got home!

Move to TN: My Dad offered to let us live in his house, rent free for a while, starting in June. I mentioned this to an old coworker, and my old boss contacted me and set up a three month contract until the baby is born to work in Chattanooga again, at my old job. It was making a fortune, too. We were all in until Mike went to visit, and made the drive (75 miles one way), and saw my Dad's house. I knew it was small, but he said it was pretty nasty (like rat droppings on the kitchen counter), and really, really old carpet. That in conjunction with a 150 mile a day commute, and the fact that I would've had to drive 2 and a half hours to the hospital/doctor, just really made it seem not worth it. So, we decided to stay here until after the baby is born, and maybe try to move in October. We'll see. It is nice and warm here now, so we are enjoying being here, and it is nice not to have to worry about moving on top of a new baby and a broken toe! It is a bummer though, because I was really ready to be done with this job. I've been programming for 11 years now, and they have decided that I'm going to be the help desk contact for a new application they are implementing. I'm not happy about this. I don't enjoy working with users, especially those that are INCREDIBLY non technical, and have a big chip on their shoulder. Like it is my fault that they have to use it. ~sigh~

Crib: We finally bought a crib, Husband has been pretty superstitious about it, but when I informed him that I only have 11 weeks to go, he became more motivated.

My Dad and stepmom are coming out Monday, there are volunteering at Rocky Mountain National Park this summer, so they are going to stop in to get acclimated to the altitude before they go up there. They are easy houseguests; but I always stress out, especially with the puppy around. He is really getting out of control, so I got a training book, and I'm trying to train him, but certain things I definitely need two feet for, so it is kind of halted for a couple of weeks. He's pretty good most of the time, but he gets these moments where he just wants to nip you over and over and over again, and if you are sitting on the couch, it is so maddening! I'm hoping the training will help him start respecting our space a bit more.

I am so sleepy, the older dog got up at 4:40 am, and I am just beat! I'm going to try to sneak in a nap now, if I can get comfortable enough to do it.