Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Cue the goats

I don’t dream often; usually I go right into deep sleep, since I never get enough. But when I do dream, it is pretty entertaining. Take my last one:

Playboy calls me and says they are doing a “spread” (nudge, nudge, wink, wink) on the “everyday” woman, and they want me to be a part of it. The dream did not address how they got my number, or the fact that I never answer my phone if I don’t know the number, but anyway… So, I talk to my husband, and he’s all “Yeah, my woman’s going to be in Playboy!” , and it’s all set. We go to the shoot, and they slather makeup on my body, and while they’re doing it, I’m not self conscious at all about being naked, but then I look down. And realize that I forgot to shave. Not my legs. And it is this huge, 70’s era porn bush that looks as if a shitzu is sitting on my lap.

I’m all like ‘Oh my God, I forgot to shave!”, Yeah, for like ten years, apparently. So, I’m trying to be all non chalant and giving my husband the “Hey, come here” head movement, and I whisper to him the situation. At which he looks down (why he wouldn’t have looked before I have no idea) and has a reaction exactly the same as if he’d seen a lion gnawing on my leg. I excuse myself to the restroom, and go through the drawers and find a razor. The size of a postage stamp.

Luckily, I woke up after that. I’m not sure what would’ve happened, as it would’ve taken a herd of goats a week to get through that.

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