Thursday, August 10, 2006

Holding pattern

9.5 weeks, Sunday will be 10.

We are pretty much in a holding pattern right now, which is good. I am still pregnant, at least for now, and we have a doctor's appointment on 8/15, a week from now. I changed the offices where we go, as we just weren't sure we could face that nurse practitioner that gave us the COMPLETELY WRONG information and made us think we didn't have a baby in there. I think it will just be easier not to have to face her again...
Of course, it will have been 3 weeks since we last had an ultrasound, so we are both pretty nervous about whether things are progressing as they should be. I am SO SO tired right now, I hope that is a sign that my body is building a baby in there. I wish my job had more women in managerial roles, because my boss just doesn't understand why I'm tired... I don't think he knows that pregnancy makes you into a zombie. He asked me what I did on the weekend, I told him I slept for the most part, and he acted so surprised, asking me "Why would you do that?" Ummm, because there is a little parasite inside of me, sucking the life force out of me! I literally get up in the morning, and an hour later, I want to go back to bed. Instead, I have to go to work! Oh well, hopefully not too much longer until my energy returns.

I have to say that I've been pretty optimistic, but now that the appointment is getting closer, I am getting more and more nervous about it. I don't know why I can't shake this fear, I keep telling myself that I've had more good appointments than bad, but it is still very scary. I thought about renting one of those Doppler heartbeat monitors, but I'm afraid I could get pretty obsessed with it. Still, it would be nice to hear the heart beating, and know that everything is okay, rather than going through ANXIETY HELL, where I am now.
We'll start talking about the nursery, etc, and then I think STOP! don't let yourself get his far...

And then, if I get that far, we have the amnio to worry about. I'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I keep reminding myself that BOTH of my grandmothers had children in their late 30s, one of them at 39 (and this was back in the fifties) and none of them had Down's Syndrome. I'm hoping that is a good indicator.

I'm still riding my horse, but I'm getting more and more nervous about it, I went out on Monday, and there was guy riding a four wheeler down in the Highline Canal, so you couldn't see him all of the time, just every once in a while he would pop up, scaring the bejesus out of Charlie. He did really well, and then when we came up to where the truck and trailer were blocking half of the trail, he just decided, that's it, I'm out of here! And wheeled around and tried to run off, which went quickly from a dead run to a trot, and then I made him turn around and go back through the area. I didn't really get scared until the second time, and I remembered I was pregnant-- so I got off and walked him through several times, and then he was okay. But I was a little nervous about things after that. We'll see how things go, I may ride for one more month, and then hang it up. I'm hoping to get my husband to ride him a bit, I think he would enjoy it, and Charlie will take care of him.

Our next few weeks will be busy... my husband's cousin is coming to visit next Thursday (he just told us yesterday) for a week. That's fine, he is a very close friend, I feel very comfortable with him around. He has two children, and I'm sure will be giving me all kinds of pregnancy advice-- none of which I will want!! But I know he is just trying to help. Then in September one of my husband's long time friends is coming out to visit. He has known my husband since junior high school. They spent a lot of time together when we moved back to TN last year. I would love to visit my friend in San Diego, but my maternity leave will be strictly vacation time, they don't have short term disability insurance here-- can you believe that? So, if I take any time, I think it will be to see my Mom, as her health won't permit her to come out and visit once the baby is born, so it could be years before I see her again.

I am so tired of counting down until the next appointment; hopefully if I make it to 12 weeks, I'll relax a little.

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