Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Exhaling Now

Things went well at the doctor's appointment. I almost didn't make it, there was road construction, and what usually takes me 5 minutes took 30. In addition, it was 105 degrees, and my car started to overheat, so I had to turn the heat on. I was a sweaty, anxious, angry mess. I guess it was good in a way, it took my mind off of worrying for a little bit.

By the time we got to the doctor's office, we were pretty anxious, but were trying to make small talk about ANYTHING else. We went back, and the doctor came in, started the sonogram very quickly, and again, I didn't look, until he said, very quickly, "You're good!" Then I looked over. He showed us how much the embryo had grown (quite a bit, he said), and showed us the yolk sac. The embryo seems so be moving away from it a bit, although it is hard to tell too much without a lot of zoom on the picture. He showed us the heartbeat, said it looked great, and I won't see him personally until I'm fifteen weeks (about 7 weeks from now). I have another appointment with the same nurse practitioner that gave us the HUGE scare to begin with, on Aug 14. At least my appointment anxiety level won't go up so often, as I won't be going as much.

I do feel a little more relaxed, however, I know anything could go wrong at any moment. I had a miscarriage dream night before last, and when I woke up I was so relieved that it was just a dream. I still check for blood every time I go to the bathroom. I think if I make it to the 12 week mark, I'll feel a bit more confident.
I did pull my pregnancy book out from hiding.

And I certainly do have symptoms. I have been EXHAUSTED every day. When I get home I just want to sleep for 3 or 4 hours, then go eat, then go back to sleep. In addition, I am starving every two hours. And although my breast tenderness went away for a bit, it came back with a vengeance. I welcome every symptom. It means my body is still producing hormones, and that is a good thing.

I'm trying to be more optimistic, as I think it will help me mentally. I'm 7.5 weeks pregnant now, Sunday will be 8 weeks, climbing ever closer to that oh so lovely 12 week mark. If I make it that far, that is when I will make the official announcement here at work. That is when I'll try to relax a little.

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