Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Someone was saying how scared they would be with no time to sleep, less time for sex, and no time for each other, about how their relationship would fare after having children. I’ll be honest; there is nothing that will test your relationship like having a child. But there is nothing that will strengthen it, deepen it or define it as much, either. We were married for 17 years before we had a child. I have learned more about my husband in the past 15 months than I did in all of our marriage before. Don’t get me wrong, I knew all of his stories, his sense of humor, that he was in an eighties hair band (when he was in high school) called, wait for it, “Hard Knox”, but I really didn’t know how he’d be in battle. And I have more respect, love and all out admiration for him than I ever did before.

Yes, there are times that I want to scream “I’m doing everything!” , and at times, I do. But the first time I came home to find him curled up with our son in our bed because our son was crying in the crib, I fell deeper in love than I could have imagined. Sometimes it feels just like those moments on The Amazing Race, the couples scurrying around, shouting blunt answers to each other. But the cool thing is that our relationship is so strong now (even stronger than it was, and that is saying A LOT), that we are able to forgive those things said under extreme duress.

I’m not saying everyone should have a child. It isn’t for everyone, and we didn’t think it was for us for a long, long time. I’m not saying it is easy, because it definitely isn’t. But it is an event that gave me a wildly different perception of life. It altered my priorities in a huge way. I’ve become a better person. I've become a better wife. We've become a better couple. I'm grateful for that. Because that little ninnymuggins deserves the best.

1 comment:

Lorrie Veasey said...

This is one of the best posts I've ever read on the subject of what a new baby can and will do to a marriage. You didn't overly simplify it- or glorify it-or scare the bejeezus out of your pregnant readers.

Today must be my lucky day to have found your blog; I look forward to reading more.